Showing posts with label Marriage and Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage and Relationships. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
ABC's of Relationships
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Just Ask Diane....
I went out with my husband and friends Saturday night. The bar got really hot, so I went outside to get some air. As I am sitting there on the bench, I watched the couples as they walk out of the bar. Almost half of the couples came out either looking angry or was arguing. Oh, and let's not forget the occasional drunk or some what drunk husband walking around the parking lot looking for his drunk wife, who is off puking somewhere.
Listen, drinking to relax and have fun is one thing, but when did puking in a dirty bathroom stall or off in the parking lot somewhere become fun? Just about everyone is guilty of having their own "I don't remember" drunk moments. Somewhere along the line the drunk moments have to come to an end.
My second issue is, all of the couples coming out of the bar arguing. Why are you going to go out to a bar with your partner if your just going to argue when you both get there. Why not just say, I won't go with you to the bar, because we argue every time we go. Go out to dinner instead. Please people stop being so damn petty in your relationships that you argue in your relationship over everything. Men cannot read our minds as we cannot read their minds. You have to tell them how you feel. Men and women operate on two different levels. The woman is the nurturer and the man is the provider. The problem now a days is the couples clash, because the women have also become the providers and still play the role of the nurturer. Women are feeling exhausted and beaten down and the male doesn't have the understanding of the stress being put on the woman for having to play two roles. Therefore, she ends up trying to make him understand him in a way that doesn't work and he is resenting her for it.
Relationships 101: The Basics of Successful Relationships
Respect one another. Respect your partner's needs and desires. Treat them as you would wish to be treated and nothing less. Be there when they need you and more. Compromise, someone needs to bend, So, stop trying to win and that means both of you stop trying to be the winner. Pick your battles. Save your battles for the important issues. Talk to one another, not at one another. Not only hear what your partner is saying, listen to the what they are saying. Most importantly, don't forget who you fell in love with and why. If neither of those options work for you, then you have some self evaluating to do. Just don't forget, someone has to take the first step forward.
And...there you have the story of Jack and Diane. Love the song, but I wouldn't want to live the life.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Kicked from Mom Bloggers Club
I can't believe I just got kicked out of the Mom Bloggers Club. How totally ridiculous! This is the tweet that got me kicked, "Sinfully sexy lingerie to flatter your curves." Since when did lingerie become dirty? Working on your marriage and relationship is not dirty. When married women begin thinking sex and lingerie is dirty is when the marriages start going straight down the tubes. The divorce rate in the United States is 50%, the biggest complaint from husbands is their wives are no longer interested in having an intimate relationship with them. We have a higher divorce rate than other less conservative countries in the world. The problem in so many marriages is there are so many women who forget how to be a woman outside of running the kids to their activities and taking care of their family.
Lingerie is simply a way to express your pride in your body and your appreciation for the man you love. Lingerie is not dirty. All women should be proud of their bodies and not be ashamed to show your body to your husband. Women should show pride in their bodies and curves. I developed the site to cater to women of all sizes, because I feel that a woman should not feel ashamed of her body, no matter what the size. If I had a website on undergarments to suck in your body, I am sure I would have been suspended from the Mom Bloggers Club, because it's much better to be ashamed of your body and try to suck it in. At least according to the view of many. That view point is why so many women are ashamed of their bodies.
Having curves is what makes us women and we should not be ashamed of them. Sex wasn't dirty when you got married and made your children, it was simply a way to express your love for your husband. It doesn't mean your done working on your relationship just because you had children with your husband. Where is your relationship is going to be when all the children are grown. Being happy in your marriage is one of the key factors that makes a happy family. When children see their parents happy and in love with one another, it sets a positive role model for their children. Marriage is supposed to be showing your love for your partner and lingerie is just a tool to help couples have a healthy happy marriage.
I am proud of having a website that caters to all women of all shapes and sizes. I don't want the women who do not fit into the cookie cutter shape to feel ashamed of their bodies. They should be able to find lingerie that flatters their bodies. Erotic Passions Lingerie & Club Wear is my site and I'm proud of it. So, the Mom Bloggers Club can go back to burring their head back in the sand believing the only way for women to work on their relationships is by baking a pot roast or cookies.
Lingerie is simply a way to express your pride in your body and your appreciation for the man you love. Lingerie is not dirty. All women should be proud of their bodies and not be ashamed to show your body to your husband. Women should show pride in their bodies and curves. I developed the site to cater to women of all sizes, because I feel that a woman should not feel ashamed of her body, no matter what the size. If I had a website on undergarments to suck in your body, I am sure I would have been suspended from the Mom Bloggers Club, because it's much better to be ashamed of your body and try to suck it in. At least according to the view of many. That view point is why so many women are ashamed of their bodies.
Having curves is what makes us women and we should not be ashamed of them. Sex wasn't dirty when you got married and made your children, it was simply a way to express your love for your husband. It doesn't mean your done working on your relationship just because you had children with your husband. Where is your relationship is going to be when all the children are grown. Being happy in your marriage is one of the key factors that makes a happy family. When children see their parents happy and in love with one another, it sets a positive role model for their children. Marriage is supposed to be showing your love for your partner and lingerie is just a tool to help couples have a healthy happy marriage.
I am proud of having a website that caters to all women of all shapes and sizes. I don't want the women who do not fit into the cookie cutter shape to feel ashamed of their bodies. They should be able to find lingerie that flatters their bodies. Erotic Passions Lingerie & Club Wear is my site and I'm proud of it. So, the Mom Bloggers Club can go back to burring their head back in the sand believing the only way for women to work on their relationships is by baking a pot roast or cookies.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Bringing The Love Back In November
Every year in November, I dedicate the whole month of November on my Do You Really Want To Know? or the The Comfort Zone blogs to tips on bringing the love back in your relationship. This year I decided to condense it into one post, since I have been so busy with my website, I haven't had as much time as I like to dedicate to blogging.
The odds are stacked against us a married couple. The divorce rate in America is 50%, so what that boils down to is we have a 50/50 chance of getting divorced. It it is up to us as married couples to change that. We are the only ones who can change the outcome of our marriage.
The two main reasons couples get divorced are infidelity or money. Why are so many people cheating? There is a very simple answer to that question, people cheat either because, that is how they are wired or because they are not satisfied sexually or emotionally in their marriage.
We have to learn that we need to play a responsible role in our relationships. Talk to your partner, not at your partner. There is a difference in how you approach a topic with them and how they will respond to you. Your partners are not children and they should not be talked to that way. Instead of making accusations and mean comments, talk to them and tell them how the problem area makes you feel.
1. Never call them names or insult them alone or in front of others.
2. Don't discuss a problem if your angry. Walk away and calm down before you discuss a problem.
3. Don't make ultimatums you don't mean and that do not warrant the situation.
4. Talk to them, not at them.
5. Pick your battles wisely, not all battles are worth fighting.
6. Approach the situation with a resolution rather than focusing on what they are doing wrong.
7. Never go to bed angry, try to work out the problem before going to bed.
8. Always discuss the problem in private. Never air your dirty laundry in front of your children, friends,family, or a public area. There is a place and time for everything.
9. Remember, we are all humans and humans make mistakes. That is what makes us human or we would be machines.
10. Actually listen to what your partner is saying. You may figure out that you both are saying the same thing differently.
11. If you don't feel like you can get your point across to your partner, seek marriage counseling. It will do wonders for your relationship. There is no shame in seeking marriage counseling.
12. The big question. Would you rather get a divorce than to put your pride aside? Ask yourself that question, because if you don't the answer may be made for you.
The money problem can always be worked out together. You are given what you are given and there is no sense in blaming your partner for the money problem. If your partner is making bad money decisions, try making a budget together, so they can see what your financial situation is and what fits in to your budget and what doesn't fit into your budget. They may understand the problem, if they can see the big picture. But, talk to your partner as an equal and as an adult. Afterall, they are one, so treat them as one.
Infidelity is one of the biggest problems in a marriage. If you don't want your partner to look elsewhere for for physical and emotional support, then don't give them a reason to look elsewhere. Then if they do, then they are the ones at fault. Marriage and relationships are kind of like a bridge, if the bridge doesn't have the support it needs to hold weight of everything that passes over the bridge, it will collapse the same as your marriage or relationship.
When the newness of the marriage fades away, we forget the reasons we married our partner in the first place. Always celebrate your anniversary. You do not have to spend money to celebrate your anniversary. Put the children in bed, light some candles and try starting off by giving each other massages and take it from there. When women become mothers, it's like we forget how to be a woman again and men forget how to treat us like women. Before you were a mother, you were a woman. Don't forget that, it is crucial to your marriage.
Why is sex such a taboo topic once you have children? You had to have sex to create your children. Sex wasn't a chore when you first got married or was making children. Why is it a chore now or a taboo topic now? When you leave the sex behind in your marriage, you are giving your partner an open excuse to cheat on you. You can not expect someone to live without that connection with another person. Don't expect your partner to live without sex, just because they married you and expect them to remain faithful to you when you won't give in or make them intimidated to approach you sexually. Your partner should never feel neglected sexually. Sex is not taboo or dirty. Sex is how you were created and how your children were created. We would not exist as a human race if it wasn't for sex. Just because you are done having children, doesn't mean you are done having sex.
1. Stop using headaches as a reason to not have sex. Sex will actually give you relief for your headache or aches and pains. Use a headache just as a reason to have sex with your partner. You will be surprised how much sex can relieve stress.
2. If your partner isn't getting what you like in the bedroom respectfully guide them to what you do like. Try letting them know when they are doing something right, so they can figure out what you do like or try telling them something like "how about you do this baby? That really turns me on when you do that.
3. Never go more than a week without sex in your relationship. Do you really want your partner turned by someone else outside of your home?
4. Initiate sex, never leave it up to your partner to always be the one to initiate sex.
5. Buy some sexy lingerie or massage oil. Have fun with it. Lingerie can actually boost your self confidence in your appearance. Pick out lingerie that hides those parts of your body you are uncomfortable with. Lingerie is not sleazy or dirty. It was designed to make you feel like a woman and enhance your sex life.
6. Don't worry about your body. Men know women's bodies change after having children. They love you more for having their children. Believe me, they are not looking at those parts of your body. They are focusing on your breasts or your behind. Your behind always looks better bent over. Most likely their bodies have changed too since marriage and age. Men love older women. Most men with children do not want a young woman. They want a woman who is attainable and does not remind them of their children. Have you ever heard the term "MILF"? Well, it's true they want you. I know, I am not real crazy about the term either, but that is how men think.
This is a very lengthy post and I hope you have managed to stay with me to reach the end. I really dislike how so many marriages in the United States fall apart and our children are left with the broken homes and trying their best to live with their parents divorce. Marriage is one of the hardest challenges you will ever face in your lifetime. It is not the fairytale we all think it is going to be. Your success and happiness in your marriage falls in your hands and your partner's hands. You and your partner are the only ones who can control the fate of your marriage. Don't be stubborn, put your pride aside and work on your marriage. You are most likely more right for your partner than you think. Unless there is physical or mental abuse involved in your marriage, it is most likely worth saving. You fell in love with your partner for a reason, you just need to remember why and work at your marriage.
If you read back in my posts from Do You Really Want To Know? or the The Comfort Zone you will find various tips on bringing the love back in your marriage. I decided a couple of years ago to start dedicating the month of November to bringing the love back in your marriage for a couple of reasons. One, I am on my third marriage, it has taken me this long to figure out where I was going wrong. Don't let that be you. The funny thing is, I actually have two degrees in psychology and I didn't put those degrees to work in my own relationships until my third marriage started falling apart and decided to seek marriage counseling to help solve our problems. We found we were both making silly mistakes and most of our problems were not actually problems. We were not actively listening to one another and we were both saying the same thing. Second, we get so busy around the holidays trying to make it fun for our children we spend the next two months focusing on Christmas and by New Years, our relationships are drained. Third, the funny thing happened once I opened a lingerie web store, some people stopped following me and I noticed it was all women. I thought to myself "Why do some women think it is so dirty or such a taboo to sell lingerie?" Lingerie is an essential tool in getting and keeping your partner's interest.
The most important information to take from this post is to treat your partner like an adult, actively listen to what they are saying, talk to them not at them, never use name calling or insults in arguments, talk to each other about how your feeling and find a solution everyone will be happy with, and keep your partner's interest in you physically and emotionally. Most importantly, play an active role in your relationship. It takes two people to make it work. Don't put the responsibility on one person's shoulders. Give them the respect and trust they deserve.
The odds are stacked against us a married couple. The divorce rate in America is 50%, so what that boils down to is we have a 50/50 chance of getting divorced. It it is up to us as married couples to change that. We are the only ones who can change the outcome of our marriage.
The two main reasons couples get divorced are infidelity or money. Why are so many people cheating? There is a very simple answer to that question, people cheat either because, that is how they are wired or because they are not satisfied sexually or emotionally in their marriage.
We have to learn that we need to play a responsible role in our relationships. Talk to your partner, not at your partner. There is a difference in how you approach a topic with them and how they will respond to you. Your partners are not children and they should not be talked to that way. Instead of making accusations and mean comments, talk to them and tell them how the problem area makes you feel.
1. Never call them names or insult them alone or in front of others.
2. Don't discuss a problem if your angry. Walk away and calm down before you discuss a problem.
3. Don't make ultimatums you don't mean and that do not warrant the situation.
4. Talk to them, not at them.
5. Pick your battles wisely, not all battles are worth fighting.
6. Approach the situation with a resolution rather than focusing on what they are doing wrong.
7. Never go to bed angry, try to work out the problem before going to bed.
8. Always discuss the problem in private. Never air your dirty laundry in front of your children, friends,family, or a public area. There is a place and time for everything.
9. Remember, we are all humans and humans make mistakes. That is what makes us human or we would be machines.
10. Actually listen to what your partner is saying. You may figure out that you both are saying the same thing differently.
11. If you don't feel like you can get your point across to your partner, seek marriage counseling. It will do wonders for your relationship. There is no shame in seeking marriage counseling.
12. The big question. Would you rather get a divorce than to put your pride aside? Ask yourself that question, because if you don't the answer may be made for you.
The money problem can always be worked out together. You are given what you are given and there is no sense in blaming your partner for the money problem. If your partner is making bad money decisions, try making a budget together, so they can see what your financial situation is and what fits in to your budget and what doesn't fit into your budget. They may understand the problem, if they can see the big picture. But, talk to your partner as an equal and as an adult. Afterall, they are one, so treat them as one.
Infidelity is one of the biggest problems in a marriage. If you don't want your partner to look elsewhere for for physical and emotional support, then don't give them a reason to look elsewhere. Then if they do, then they are the ones at fault. Marriage and relationships are kind of like a bridge, if the bridge doesn't have the support it needs to hold weight of everything that passes over the bridge, it will collapse the same as your marriage or relationship.
When the newness of the marriage fades away, we forget the reasons we married our partner in the first place. Always celebrate your anniversary. You do not have to spend money to celebrate your anniversary. Put the children in bed, light some candles and try starting off by giving each other massages and take it from there. When women become mothers, it's like we forget how to be a woman again and men forget how to treat us like women. Before you were a mother, you were a woman. Don't forget that, it is crucial to your marriage.
Why is sex such a taboo topic once you have children? You had to have sex to create your children. Sex wasn't a chore when you first got married or was making children. Why is it a chore now or a taboo topic now? When you leave the sex behind in your marriage, you are giving your partner an open excuse to cheat on you. You can not expect someone to live without that connection with another person. Don't expect your partner to live without sex, just because they married you and expect them to remain faithful to you when you won't give in or make them intimidated to approach you sexually. Your partner should never feel neglected sexually. Sex is not taboo or dirty. Sex is how you were created and how your children were created. We would not exist as a human race if it wasn't for sex. Just because you are done having children, doesn't mean you are done having sex.
1. Stop using headaches as a reason to not have sex. Sex will actually give you relief for your headache or aches and pains. Use a headache just as a reason to have sex with your partner. You will be surprised how much sex can relieve stress.
2. If your partner isn't getting what you like in the bedroom respectfully guide them to what you do like. Try letting them know when they are doing something right, so they can figure out what you do like or try telling them something like "how about you do this baby? That really turns me on when you do that.
3. Never go more than a week without sex in your relationship. Do you really want your partner turned by someone else outside of your home?
4. Initiate sex, never leave it up to your partner to always be the one to initiate sex.
5. Buy some sexy lingerie or massage oil. Have fun with it. Lingerie can actually boost your self confidence in your appearance. Pick out lingerie that hides those parts of your body you are uncomfortable with. Lingerie is not sleazy or dirty. It was designed to make you feel like a woman and enhance your sex life.
6. Don't worry about your body. Men know women's bodies change after having children. They love you more for having their children. Believe me, they are not looking at those parts of your body. They are focusing on your breasts or your behind. Your behind always looks better bent over. Most likely their bodies have changed too since marriage and age. Men love older women. Most men with children do not want a young woman. They want a woman who is attainable and does not remind them of their children. Have you ever heard the term "MILF"? Well, it's true they want you. I know, I am not real crazy about the term either, but that is how men think.
This is a very lengthy post and I hope you have managed to stay with me to reach the end. I really dislike how so many marriages in the United States fall apart and our children are left with the broken homes and trying their best to live with their parents divorce. Marriage is one of the hardest challenges you will ever face in your lifetime. It is not the fairytale we all think it is going to be. Your success and happiness in your marriage falls in your hands and your partner's hands. You and your partner are the only ones who can control the fate of your marriage. Don't be stubborn, put your pride aside and work on your marriage. You are most likely more right for your partner than you think. Unless there is physical or mental abuse involved in your marriage, it is most likely worth saving. You fell in love with your partner for a reason, you just need to remember why and work at your marriage.
If you read back in my posts from Do You Really Want To Know? or the The Comfort Zone you will find various tips on bringing the love back in your marriage. I decided a couple of years ago to start dedicating the month of November to bringing the love back in your marriage for a couple of reasons. One, I am on my third marriage, it has taken me this long to figure out where I was going wrong. Don't let that be you. The funny thing is, I actually have two degrees in psychology and I didn't put those degrees to work in my own relationships until my third marriage started falling apart and decided to seek marriage counseling to help solve our problems. We found we were both making silly mistakes and most of our problems were not actually problems. We were not actively listening to one another and we were both saying the same thing. Second, we get so busy around the holidays trying to make it fun for our children we spend the next two months focusing on Christmas and by New Years, our relationships are drained. Third, the funny thing happened once I opened a lingerie web store, some people stopped following me and I noticed it was all women. I thought to myself "Why do some women think it is so dirty or such a taboo to sell lingerie?" Lingerie is an essential tool in getting and keeping your partner's interest.
The most important information to take from this post is to treat your partner like an adult, actively listen to what they are saying, talk to them not at them, never use name calling or insults in arguments, talk to each other about how your feeling and find a solution everyone will be happy with, and keep your partner's interest in you physically and emotionally. Most importantly, play an active role in your relationship. It takes two people to make it work. Don't put the responsibility on one person's shoulders. Give them the respect and trust they deserve.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Love Quotes
1. Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin6. "Love is the beauty of the soul."
--St. Augustine
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin6. "Love is the beauty of the soul."
--St. Augustine
2. "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."
--Aristotle
--Aristotle
3. "In my wildest dreams, you always play the hero. In my darkest hour of night, you rescue me, you save my life."
--Bliss and Cerney
--Bliss and Cerney
4. "I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach..."
--Elizabeth Barrett Browning
--Elizabeth Barrett Browning
5. "I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you."
--Roy Croft
--Roy Croft
6. "Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."
--Robert Heinlein
--Robert Heinlein
7. "Two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one."
--John Keats
--John Keats
8. "... See there's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me."
--Gretchen Kemp
--Gretchen Kemp
9. "Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."
--Antoine de Saint-Exupery
--Antoine de Saint-Exupery
10. "The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life."
--Sir Hugh Walpole
--Sir Hugh Walpole
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Spice Up Your Love Life- Valentines Day Series
Monday, February 7, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Love Is Love
Couples in interracial relationships see people when they look at them. Regardless of the color of your skin, you are beautiful. There is no dominant race. It's an illusion that racists have created to give themselves superiority and if you buy into it, you are buying into racism. Interracial love is something a lot of people will never understand. The thing I don't understand is, why is it an issue. Everybody has their preferences. No one should have to settle for something they don't want to make anyone else happy. Love people for who they are.
The same goes for gay couples. They have every right to love who they want to love regardless of what other people think. They are the ones who have to go home everyday and fall into the arms of their lover. So, shouldn't they go home who they want to? Love hard and love who you want to love. That is the only way you will ever be happy. When someone gives you a long stare or a dirty look, give them a big smile and lean over and kiss your lover.
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