Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
When you eat a candy bar or have a wonderful dessert, have a diet drink. The calories are cancelled out by the diet drink.
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?