Sibling Rivalry

Being a mother can be so challenging at times. My 11 year old daughter and 12 year old son have there own personal war going on, that no one else seems to get. It starts in the morning before school, after school and continues on until someone or both ends up going to bed early. They have a very difficult time being in the same room with one another without picking at one another, instigating arguments, or doing something intentionally to make the other one angry.

It is so obvious their intentions when they do something to one another that they are doing it to make the other one angry. They will sit and listen when one of them speaks, waiting for the opportunity to pounce or they will do something they know will make the other angry and walk away with a smirk on their face.

It is driving me insane, I find myself repeating the same thing overs and over again through out the day, everyday! For example, if one of them wants to get on the computer when one is getting off. They intentionally log off anyway and say they didn't hear them. When we know they did, because they made a smart comment to the other one. Well, not only are they making the other one angry. They are making me angry right along with them, because I am constantly mediating between the two and when they log off I have to go log the other one back on because it is password protected.

We do everything between the two of them exactly even to make sure no one feels like the other gets more attention or more of anything. I always make everything even between all of my children including my adult child who lives on her own. I always do my very best to treat them all the same. I love all of my children the same and I am a strong believer in treating your children equally. I spend the same on them right down to the dollar and spend time with them equally and give them equal attention. A lot of their problems stems from their father, who does not treat them equally and I don't know how to stop what he has created.

I have tried everything with these two to try and stop the bickering from them losing privileges, grounding them, sending them to bed early, talking to them telling them why they shouldn't argue so much to even time out. Nothing is working. Any suggestions?